I am so overwhelmed with joy!

Sometimes, I just well up with tears...I am so overwhelmed with the things God has given me. I do not deserve this good life...I am far from a perfect person. I am able to give so much more if I only searched for the opportunities. This joy I experience is a tribute to God's mercy and loving kindness toward a very ordinary person. He doesn't give us what we deserve...thank you God!

Last Friday, my friends came over to my home for lunch. I am not much of a cook having lost my rabbit's foot (as my grandmother would say) over the past years due to the lack of practice. I had to search the Internet for "ladies' luncheon menus". I considered a Greek festival, an Italian feast or cute little "ladyfinger" sandwiches with fruit and brie. I finally settled on Imperial Chicken ("never fail crowd-pleaser"), a pasta salad, cheesy biscuits that "melt in your mouth", and a frozen concoction of Cool Whip, Pecan Sandies, peanut butter and chocolate. Hmmm...the chicken was OK. The biscuits looked like beat up hockey pucks (but they were short and tasty like the recipe promised), the pasta salad was pretty good, and the pie was fabuloso! I made it again for my family for Sunday dinner. My husband got into the act (I love him so much!) by helping me prepare for the big day. My house keeper was supposed to come clean for me the day before the luncheon; I was out of town. The night before the luncheon, I got a call from my husband saying that she didn't come. I immediately began the drive home expecting a very late night of housework. When I got there, my sweet husband had already cleaned (and he knows how to clean girls) the main rooms of our home. Whew! He is my rock!

In times past, I would have been all upset and angry that my home was not perfectly clean and I had PEOPLE coming over!! I would have cried over the hockey puck biscuits. I would have been soooo relieved when the PEOPLE left so I could finally relax about the whole ordeal. But, that was in times past. My earlier posts would explain the metamorphosis that I am currently going through in this new stage in my life. I did not get upset about the no-show housekeeper or the Imperial Chicken recipe. I did make jokes with my friends about my biscuits. And, I enjoyed every single minute of that day...every single minute. We even made plans to take an overnight trip together next month. One of our group members suggested a wonderful idea...to create a necklace full of charms and what-nots collected from all of us, and then we would take turns wearing it. It's like the "sisterhood of the traveling pants....err...necklace"! I have already chosen a few of my beads and charms from my collection to add to this creation of friendship.

Rethinking

On Friday, five of my high school friends will be joining me in my home for lunch. I've been waiting for this day...my turn to host, for the last 6 months. I tweaked as many rooms in my home as time, energy and finances allowed for this event. I have seen the homes of my friends...all unique and lovely...comfortable...inviting. This is how I want my home to be perceived. Am I a little nervous? Sure. I have mentioned in other posts that I am in the midst of reinventing my life...one "reinvent" involves my basement thinking...my need to please (more on that later). I know you can relate. A "doer" is a "doer" for a good reason...it puts her/him in a position to please...others.

As a recovering people-pleaser, I am happy to announce that I am nervous but looking forward to opening my home to my friends without fear of what they make think. Oh, horrors! One year ago, I would have been miserable and dreading this event...what if my home doesn't meet their standards? What if the paint color in my kitchen is too bright...my decor too eclectic? Is there a theme in my home...a color or pattern that pulls it all together and creates "flow"?

Who knows...who cares? Not me, and not a true friend, of which I have several coming to dine with me on Friday. Welcome, dear friends to my humble abode. Vicki

Regeneration

Spiritual health. The process of self-examination pointed me toward
the health of my spirit and soul. How much do I nourish these pieces of me? After years of blindly accepting my age-old beliefs in the Creator and His involvement in my life, I know now, for sure, what I believe in. Simply put, my personal belief in God as my creator and Jesus Christ as my saviour comes from my life experiences - not from what I was told to believe. How reassuring to know that I know what I know. As a fifty+ "senior", life's trials can take me in two different directions. I can be negative and fearful of my future (especially in the current crisis our country finds itself in) or I can embrace the trials in life and become stronger and wiser. People can see me as an aging woman without usefulness or purpose. Or, they can see me glowing with optimism and regeneration. My life has been well spent. Mine is a life of contradictions...poor...rich...challenging...joyful...sorrowful...confusing...betrayed...redeemed. What more could I ask for other than to live the remaining half of my life as an inspiration to others. How will I do that? I will continue to regenerate, reinvent and restore myself in all its pieces. I do not have to settle. I will not settle.

Reinventing, Re-grouping, Reclaiming

I just recently had a birthday. This particular birthday ushered in a new me. With more than a half century under my belt, it was time to reinvent my life and restore balance. Why was this birthday more special and note-worthy for me? I believe it's because I retired this year from a rewarding, demanding and challenging career as a public school principal. I spent the last 25 years of my life serving others...children...teachers...parents...communities. In the latter years of my career, I forgot how important it was to keep my life balanced and take care of myself. I gained a lot of weight, added several prescription medications to my medicine cabinet, and abandoned my spiritual life all because I gave everything I had within me to everything other than myself. And, I finally collapsed physically, mentally and spiritually. The meds I took were for depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, acid reflux, and high cholesterol...all stress induced conditions of the body and mind. Through a healthy change in lifestyle, I have been able to drop several of those medications.

During the last 9 months I have turned inward to answer the question, "who am I...really?" My self-analysis encouraged me to begin purging bad habits and bad thinking...I began to question and evaluate other areas of my life such as, what were my failures? What would I do differently if given the opportunity? Did I do my best...give all that I could? Was I loved...did I love in return? Did I run the race and soar like an eagle? Did I live a balanced life? The answers to those questions gave me insight into how I intend to spend the remaining 50+ years on this earth.

How does one go about reinventing themselves? My experience included being lost for awhile, waiting in solitude for something "new" to do. I was no longer the one sought after to solve problems and fix things. I wasn't responsible for making things happen or being the bottom line. It was scary being all by myself and contemplating these things. I learned there was a difference between a Human Being and a Human Doer. You see, I was a great Human Doer. I prided myself in being a Human Doer. Someone had to do it, and I was good at it. Now, I am content being "just me" again.

The reinventing of myself has included changing my diet, exercising, and spiritual renewal. I know what I want, and I'm going after it. I want to be healthy in body, mind and spirit. Instead of reading "how to get better test scores", I now read inspirational books by Beth Moore, Max Lucado and Joyce Meyer, just to name a few. I've learned how to be "quiet". I know I am loved...loved by the Creator. I know I am worthy just being me...not because of what I do, but because of who I am...a child of God.

My creative side has blossomed again after many dormant years. I am adding order and warmth to my home. My friends and family have often told me I have a knack for putting things together in my home in interesting and pleasing ways. My home is very eclectic because I love so many different things and styles. I enjoy making flower arrangements with the wild flowers surrounding my home. I love making beaded jewelry which includes beads from old jewelry found in antique stores and my mother's and grandmother's old jewelry boxes. I often change the personality of my home with colors that I love (even if they don't always go together), my diverse collections of art and family photos. I have a closet in my home totally devoted to things I find that I "might have a use for someday"; these things appear and disappear from the rooms in my home seemingly as often as the wind blows. I am redefining spaces that fit my new life style. I am regularly attending church again. I entertain family and friends again and am bonding with my new granddaughter. I have seen her reach her first-year milestones...what a privilege that has been! I have reconnected with high school girlfriends and am learning to blog! I am living the life I missed for so many years and am grateful for this opportunity to live a simple life again.

It is my hope that you can relate to my story and that you will share your life with me. Are you reinventing your life...are you entering a new stage of life? Do you find peace with yourself, or are you struggling like I did in the beginning? Maybe we can help each other.